87% True: The Lies That Bind

Almost Out of Ontario

Hey, guess what? Ontario is BIG. It's so big that we've been driving for 4 days and WE'RE STILL IN ONTARIO.

Now, to be fair, we took it fairly easy the first few days. Our first stop was Sudbury, Blueberry Capital of the World, where Chris and I stayed with his kind and lovely friends from Salt Spring Island. It was Chris' 30th birthday that day and so his friends made him a pie. We ate the pie and pronounced it the best damn pie we'd ever had. We also has our astrological charts done, so now, in addition to our roadmap of Canada, we have a roadmap for our LIVES. Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!

Night Two was spent in beautiful downtown Wawa, Ontario. As we know no one in Wawa, we kicked it to the Sportsman's Motel (Spend the Night - Not a Fortune!) Chris hit the Beer Store and Rose hit the Macs for a Slurpee. Then we had to run the gauntlet of sportsman loitering in the parking lot right outside our room.  On the way out of town, we hit the Giant Goose. Chris' imaginative pose inspired countless other tourists and as we left, several people were imitating the goose in flight. Chris briefly considered a career as a cult leader, but then Rose poked him with her knitting needle and told him to keep his damn eyes on the road.

And then there was Night Three, which we spent in the palatial home of Rose's dad's friends Bob and Carol. Bob and Carol weren't home but they left us a key and we were in there like dirty shirts, splashing in Lake Superior, scampering about their gorgeous home and touching all of their stuff. Being conservationists, we took care to leave only footprints. And perhaps a little sand. And a bottle of wine, 'cause we're all class.

One of the highlights of the evening was when Rose answered the phone and it was Bob and Carol's daughter on the other end. "What?" she said, bewildered by Rose's peppy "Hi, Bob and Carol's place!" "Where the hell are my parents?" "They're off in the States," Rose told her, "and we're in their house! But not in an illegal way." Rose neglected to mention to Bob and Carol's daughter that Chris would be sleeping in her room that night. HA ha!

Also, over the course of this journey, we remembered that we are doing a show! And that we rewrote chunks of the show we did in Toronto! And that we don't know all our new lines! So when were weren't reading our astrological charts, fussing with the iPod, passing the same camper van 8 times in 2 hours, eating a greasy, bacon-y breakfast, stopping at the Sev in Dryden for a Slurpee or knitting, we were rehearsing! We hope that yelling over the raging wind from the open truck windows as we speed down the Trans Canada at 100 km/hour will help us with our "projection" skills.

And so here we are, minutes from the Ontario/Manitoba border, in the nicest, most comfortable coffee shop in Kenora, Ontario. It's called HoJoe's. And the frozen hot chocolate makes the Second Cup's taste like hot buttered ASS. Next stop - The 'Peg!

Slurpee count = 59

Escape From Ontario!!

We're off! Like a herd of turtles! Chris went and got us some fine, fine vinyl lettering for the back of El Trucko, so that every vehicle that passes our slow, steady truck on the freeway now has the option to visit our website! From all the honking, I'd say they're pretty excited!

Our first stop: Sudbury, Ontario! Blueberry Capital of the World! Jealous? You should be. I hear there will be pie.

Slurpee count: 56

Disco 'Stache

What was Chris doing the whole time he was in Montreal? Yeah, that's right:

Kickin' back and drinkin' a cold one for Christ. Sing it, Brother.

Slurpee count: 53

Push Our Buttons Part II

Our pal Becky Johnson over at the Sweetie Pie Press has made us a passle of new buttons for our cross country journey! You know, the one that starts Thursday. Check out the button proofs:

 

I know - HOT. They're no "Bear drinking a beer", but I think they'll really raise the tone.

Apologies for the sporadic posting - if we'd gotten into the Winnipeg Fringe, we'd've had hilarious tales of monstrous mosquito bites and being mocked for mistakenly using the French pronunciation of "Portage". Instead, we have tales of Rose and her partner Kate packing all their crap up to move across the country and Chris getting the hell out of Dodge. But Chris and his 'stache are returning tonight and the show - the show will go on. All the way to Saskatoon! Jealous?

Slurpee count = 49 (Rose still drinking for two)

Week 3 - 'Stache gone A.W.O.L.

Chris, being a smart young man with great survival instincts, decided to spend part of this two week break between the Toronto Fringe and the Saskatoon Fringe travelling, camping, visiting with family and friends, etc. 

I guess the prospect of hanging around the condo with two tense, sweaty lesbians who are frantically trying to pack up all of their earthly belongings to move to Vancouver didn't appeal.

Now, Chris neglected to take a self-portrait of the Week 3 'stache before he left. BUT we did take some promo pictures for the show! The star of the photos? Undoubtedly Chris's mustache.

Want a close up? Of course you do.

In other news, now that Chris has taken off, I'm stuck drinking Slurpees for two. It's a real hardship, I don't mind telling you. But, you know - I do it for the fans.

Slurpee count = 42

One Fringe Down - THREE TO GO

We finished up our run at the Toronto Fringe last night with a wicked audience and a brand new ending. Of course, the new ending was nothing compared to last night's beginning; as the lights went down, a young man whose name rhymes with "Bawn Boward" shouted out "This better not SUCK, ROSE!!" Let me tell you, nothing warms an audience up like some tree-hugger yelling crazy shit in the blackout. Thanks, Bawn! You're the best.

Thanks are also owed to our fabulous house technicians, Zoe and Aaron and, of course, to our young stage manager, Alex Bateman, pictured below.

Not many young people today would answer a call seeking a "keen theatre teen". Not many young people would continue to be keen once they heard what kind of pay we were offering to a stage manager. But Alex - sweet, keen Alex - Alex helped us out. Thanks, Alex!

Last night marked the end of our Toronto Fringe experience (oh, except for today, when we realized we'd forgotten our goddamn sandwich board at the venue) and it's been great. Lovely audiences, big last-minute script revisions and, many, many slurpees. How many?

Slurpee count = 39

EYE Review Part II - Electric Boogaloo

Kate and Rose did a show together at the SummerWorks Festival last year and had the misfortune of getting a less than stellar review. For the "Review" section of our website, however, we managed to cobble together a more favourable sounding review using lines from the original, crappy review. Our "edited" version looked something like this: "Comedy . . . satire . . . play." and then Rose used her blog to suggest that the critic in question, ah . . . had crabs. HA ha!!

Fortunately for Rose and Chris, our "long form" EYE review, which came out yesterday, contained a great quote that requires only MINOR editing (i.e. removing the qualifiers preceding it).

"The playwrights/actors capture the embroidered and contradictory nature of both family and personal narrative. And, like any good family tale, it's equal parts lambasting and laughter."

Part of that baby is goin' on the poster for Saskatoon, my friends. Wooooo!

Slurpee count = 36

'Stache Talk: Week Two

It's wild. It's woolly. It's Week 2 of the 'Stache and Chris says "It's like having something living on your face."

Observe.

 

Being relatively new to the handlebar mustache game, Chris welcomes any 'stache grooming tips or tricks. Wax? Brill Creme? Tweezers? He's all ears - but mainly 'stache.

Tune in next week for another exciting installment of . . . The 'Stache. It's coming for you.

Slurpee count = 32

Monday Fringe Blogging is the New Black

One of the lovely writers from blogTO was meant to come to see 87% True on Friday, but a crisis (Mercury is in retrograde, people) prevented her from seeing what turned out to be a crap-tastic, slide-projector-less, Chris-and-Rose-like-deer-in-headlights-with-disorders-of-the-central-nervous-system show. So, you know, ha ha . . . that all worked out.

Instead, she posted a great write-up about our blog over on blogTO. Thanks, Katherine!

One of the joys of blogging the Fringe is being able to link to other bloggers who've posted their hilarious (mis)adventures about coming to our show.

The lovely and fabulous Lex had a little trouble making it to opening night but DID manage to catch the show on Friday, or, as we refer to it, The Day The Projector Died And All Our Worst Fears Were Realized. She also managed to surreptitiously snap this photo, because she is gifted.

The fabulous and lovely Heather brought her feller Dave to our opening night and posted a terrific account of their date and our historic IN REAL LIFE meeting. My favourite collection of exclamation points: "The money goes to the artists! It's funny! You'll be cool! They serve beer afterward!"

It's all true.

Slurpee count = 30

Meanwhile, in Vancouver . . .

We interrupt the Toronto Fringe to announce our dates, time and venue for the Vancouver Fringe! Chris assures me that our venue, The Waterfront Theatre, is a highly desirable location. I trust his judgment, for I have found that even with the burgeoning handlebar mustache, Chris is a keen arbiter of taste. KEEN, people.

Here are the goods:

Georgia Straight Stage 4 - Waterfront Theatre, 1412 Cartwright St., Granville Island, Vancouver
 
Fri. Sept 8, 9:00 pm
Sat. Sept 9, 5:30 pm
Sun. Sept 10, 7:15 pm
Tues. Sept 12, 10:15 pm
Wed. Sept 13, 5:15 pm
Sat. Sept 16, 3:30 pm

Slurpee count = 29