Hey, guess what? Ontario is BIG. It's so big that we've been driving for 4 days and WE'RE STILL IN ONTARIO.
Now, to be fair, we took it fairly easy the first few days. Our first stop was Sudbury, Blueberry Capital of the World, where Chris and I stayed with his kind and lovely friends from Salt Spring Island. It was Chris' 30th birthday that day and so his friends made him a pie. We ate the pie and pronounced it the best damn pie we'd ever had. We also has our astrological charts done, so now, in addition to our roadmap of Canada, we have a roadmap for our LIVES. Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!
Night Two was spent in beautiful downtown Wawa, Ontario. As we know no one in Wawa, we kicked it to the Sportsman's Motel (Spend the Night - Not a Fortune!) Chris hit the Beer Store and Rose hit the Macs for a Slurpee. Then we had to run the gauntlet of sportsman loitering in the parking lot right outside our room. On the way out of town, we hit the Giant Goose. Chris' imaginative pose inspired countless other tourists and as we left, several people were imitating the goose in flight. Chris briefly considered a career as a cult leader, but then Rose poked him with her knitting needle and told him to keep his damn eyes on the road.
And then there was Night Three, which we spent in the palatial home of Rose's dad's friends Bob and Carol. Bob and Carol weren't home but they left us a key and we were in there like dirty shirts, splashing in Lake Superior, scampering about their gorgeous home and touching all of their stuff. Being conservationists, we took care to leave only footprints. And perhaps a little sand. And a bottle of wine, 'cause we're all class.
One of the highlights of the evening was when Rose answered the phone and it was Bob and Carol's daughter on the other end. "What?" she said, bewildered by Rose's peppy "Hi, Bob and Carol's place!" "Where the hell are my parents?" "They're off in the States," Rose told her, "and we're in their house! But not in an illegal way." Rose neglected to mention to Bob and Carol's daughter that Chris would be sleeping in her room that night. HA ha!
Also, over the course of this journey, we remembered that we are doing a show! And that we rewrote chunks of the show we did in Toronto! And that we don't know all our new lines! So when were weren't reading our astrological charts, fussing with the iPod, passing the same camper van 8 times in 2 hours, eating a greasy, bacon-y breakfast, stopping at the Sev in Dryden for a Slurpee or knitting, we were rehearsing! We hope that yelling over the raging wind from the open truck windows as we speed down the Trans Canada at 100 km/hour will help us with our "projection" skills.
And so here we are, minutes from the Ontario/Manitoba border, in the nicest, most comfortable coffee shop in Kenora, Ontario. It's called HoJoe's. And the frozen hot chocolate makes the Second Cup's taste like hot buttered ASS. Next stop - The 'Peg!
Slurpee count = 59
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