87% True: The Lies That Bind

Fringe Tour and Chris' Scarf - FINISHED!

It's the last day of the Vancouver Fringe, folks, and our tour officially ended yesterday with our last show at the Waterfront Theatre! It was a pretty sweet way to go out - a fantastic crowd, a finished scarf for Chris and a lot of martinis (after the show - AFTER THE SHOW, PEOPLE!) for Rose. Rumour has it Chris' friends brought some clippers to end the reign of the 'stache after the show - did they make good on their threats? Stay tuned! In the meantime - Chris, the 'stache and yes, yes - his birthday scarf.

 

 

Jealous?

Slurpee count = 107

Fourth "Opening Night" - Good Times

Next show tonight! Saturday, Sept 9! 5:30 p.m.! Waterfront Theatre!

Vancouver is the last stop on our four city tour of Fringe love and so last night's 9 p.m. show was our last "opening night". Sniff. We were deeply spoiled by having a fantastic crowd and we had a great time doing the show. Apparently, there was a couple in the audience who was also having a great time sketching Chris, Rose, Hugo the Bear, etc. while we were in action DURING the show. Hey, sketchers! If you're reading this, our friends thought your drawings were amazing! We'd love to see them!

Speaking of spoiled, Chris decided to surprise Rose on this last opening night with the most awesome gift ever! Jealous? It was a signed poster of Poofy du Vey (a.k.a. Courtney Cunningham), whose fantastic solo clown show Burden of Poof bowled us over in Saskatoon. Rose's opening night "gift" to Chris was the hissy fit she threw briefly after the show - clearly, Rose will have to step it up for closing night. Hookers! Blow! Knitting! Chris deserves it all and more.

Slurpee count = 98

87% True - 75% Done

Well, we closed out the Edmonton Fringe in style this weekend, with much merriment and mini donuts. We were lucky to not only have two fantastic houses for our last two shows, but we ALSO had many beloved family members from far away places in those audiences and then in the beer tent afterwards. Woooo! Many thanks to Rose's gorgeous aunts, aunt-in-law and cousins and cousins-in-law who came up from Calgary and in from Sherwood Park and to Chris's sisters who actually left the lake this fine weekend to see the show. THAT'S love, people. LOVE!!

Special thanks also to our awesome Edmonton stage manager, Lindsey Walker, who was a delightful ray of sunshine and who gave us little plastic bears ("Randolph" and "Petunia") for our final show (she painted the toenails on Rose's) and to our fantastic house technicians Amy and Ryan, who always let us in early and told us hilarious stories of Fringes past and laughed at our dumb jokes.

We've had a blast at the Edmonton Fringe. The kind of blast that makes us have delusions about "next year's Fringe tour". HA ha!

So next stop -  Vancouver! Pictures of the road trip and Rose's knitting to come!

Slurpee count = 91

Curse of the Second Show - BROKEN! We hope.

Three more chances to catch the "warm and witty", "equal parts lambasting and laughter" fun of 87% True at the Edmonton Fringe! Here are the goods:

Sutton Stage 9, Walterdale Playhouse, 10322 - 83rd Ave

Wed, August 23        2:15 PM
Sat, August 26          7:15 PM
Sun, August 27         2:15 PM

In other news . . . well, you knew it had to happen. Our blogging has been interrupted by our long, delightful sessions with that most prized of Fringe delicacies - mini-donuts. We eat them before the show - we eat them after the show. We shared some with Rose's awesome blog pal Kristen, who stopped off during her family's insane cross-country vacation and saw our opening show. We bought them for Lindsey Walker, our lovely stage manager.  We introduced them to Rose's girlfriend Kate, who was up for the weekend - Chris guided Kate to the mini-donut machine, so that Kate could watch the tiny donuts' "greasy journey towards our bellies." When we shake out our clothes at night, bits of sugar and cinnamon cascade onto the floor. Last night, Rose found donut sugar in her bra. Good times, people. Good times.

You know what else is good times? 87% True at the Edmonton Fringe! Our opening show was lots of fun - we had a generous and enthusiastic crowd both in numbers and in response. In fact, our first audience in Edmonton was larger than our biggest crowd in Saskatoon, causing both of us do little dances of glee in the mini donut line-up afterwards before hitting Chris's second love - the beer garden. The Grasshopper flags flutter in the wind and Chris - he gets goosebumps. And then drunk.

Now, as most of you long-time readers may recall, our second show in Toronto was marred by the slide projector breaking down as the show started and our second show in Saskatoon was cursed by Rose being horribly, disgustingly sick and by the quietest audience in the West. So we were a little nervous about our second show in Edmonton. We envisioned some kind of horrid combination of the first two "second shows" - the slide projector breaking down because Rose puked on it, you know, something like that. But it seems that the Curse of the Second Show was broken Sunday night. We had over 120 folks in the audience and if the constant guffawing was any indication, they all seemed to be having as good a time as we were. A little volunteer bird told us that we may have had some press in the house Sunday night as well, which is cool, as we feel that the Curse of the Second Show would truly be laid to rest if we got a good review off said second show. We'll keep you posted. Wooo!

We continue to be amazed both at the sheer volume of theatre-lovin' folks at the Fringe here and at our show's seemingly ageless appeal - we've routinely had strollers on one side and walkers on the other. And it's awesome. Thanks to all you fine folks who've made it out to the show - we raise our mini donuts in salute! And if you haven't been, come check it out! It's funny - it's deeply historical - we'll go for mini donuts after.

Slurpee count = 85 (Slurpee drinking curbed by proximity to mini-donuts)

Edmonton, Alberta - Where the Streets Are Paved With Gold

"Wait minute," Chris said in alarm, as he inspected the concession tents being set up along the Fringe strip yesterday afternoon, "WHERE ARE THE MINI DONUTS?!?"

"Don't worry," said some random babe in a hat who'd overhead Chris' panicked exclamation, "they'll be right around the corner there. Same place as last year."

Chris breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you, soothing stranger!

So we're here! Rose is queer! And the beer tent is beside our venue! Could anything be more perfect? We think not. Again, an Edmonton Fringe showtime and location refresher:

Sutton Stage 9, Walterdale Playhouse, 10322 - 83rd Ave

Fri, August 18          4:15 PM
Sun, August 20         7:00 PM
Mon, August 21        4:15 PM
Wed, August 23        2:15 PM
Sat, August 26          7:15 PM
Sun, August 27         2:15 PM

For other show schedules and key Fringe info, check out the fantastic Edmonton Fringe website!

Chris and Rose grew up here in Edmonton and we have long considered the Edmonton Fringe to be the pinnacle of all things Fringe-y. But it occurred to us, as we swept into the city Monday afternoon, that neither of us has actually BEEN at the Edmonton Fringe since 1998, when Rose was performing in one show, had written and directed another show and was also asked to be on the Sterling Theatre Awards jury for the Fringe, which meant she had to see 40 shows in 10 days. It was pretty awesome. But after a Fringe like that, who can blame a gal for taking a break?

Back when we were last here, the Fringe offices were in kind of a old warehouse-type building that smelled like guano. Now they look like this:

Chris took this photo with tears in his eyes. "Our little Fringe has grown up so much," he sighed as I sniffled. Happy 25th, Edmonton Fringe! It's a privilege to be here performing, uh . . . at you. We raise our mini-donuts in your honour! Also, Slurpees.

Slurpee count = 83

2 Fringes Down - 2 to Go!

Ah, Saskatoon. How we have loved you. Particularly on Saturday night, when your rolling and enthusiastic laughter at our ridiculous antics made for our best show yet. The kind of show where people stop you on the street after. The kind of show that reminds you what the hell you're doing a Fringe tour FOR. The kind of show that you wish you could have ended on - so we'll pretend that we did. Sunday afternoon show? What Sunday afternoon show? HA ha!

This was our first time at the Saskatoon Fringe and we really enjoyed it. Sure, there were some "organizational issues", which were matched by "bitter performers crapping in an unprofessional manner on the Fringe staff at Spoof Night issues", but, uh, we had a good time and we would gladly return. People were friendly, the Slurpees were plentiful and while we didn't make much money, we definitely made enough to pay for gas to Edmonton. After all, if we were in this for the money . . . blah blah blah. Come see our show!!!

Slurpee count = 78

The Curse of the Second Show Strikes Again!

Our opening night in Saskatoon was pretty fantastic. Even though we know only two people in Saskatoon, considerably more than two people showed up and they were a generous and enthusiastic crowd.

We've re-written the show since Toronto and have a couple of new scenes we'd never performed for anyone, so it was great try them out and not be booed offstage. Huzzah! Thanks to all you folks to came out, to our venue tech Andy who ran the show flawlessly, to Rose's aunt who fed us and our egos with popcorn and the biased feedback you need from family and to the folks to stopped us on the street on the way to the Green Room to tell us "Great show!" You all totally made our night.

As some of you long-time 87% True blog readers may recall, Rose and Chris's second show at the Toronto Fringe was marred by their slide projector dying at the very beginning of the show, causing Chris and Rose to:

a) crap their pants with fear;

b) do most of the show like deer in headlights, trying frantically to figure out how to deal with the missing slides as the show progressed; and

c) improvise so successfully around the malfunctioning slide projector that most people didn't actually realize the slide projector was SUPPOSED to be working and just thought the show was kinda . . . lame.

This time, we thought we were in the clear. 2 p.m. show on a Saturday is a great time; Chris had been flyering enthusiastically and while we haven't been reviewed yet here in Saskatoon, we haven't gotten a bad review either. So we were pretty pumped about Show #2.

The night before Show #2, Rose was out quite late babysitting for Michelle and Bob, who are doing the fabulous Deep Fried Curried Perogies here at the Saskatoon Fringe (check it out!).

When she got home, Rose was feeling . . . "a little funny". What followed was the kind of Norwalk Virus nightmare you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy - the kind where you're sitting on the john and holding a bucket and using them simultaneously multiple times. The kind of sick where the bedsheets catch it in the crossfire. The kind of sick where you're so miserable it's kind of funny because HOW CAN THIS EVEN BE HAPPENING? The kind of sick that makes you wonder if you're going to make it through the night, let alone to Show #2. THAT kind of sick.

Rose was shocked to discover the next morning that she was the only one of the 5 people currently here at El Casa de Rose's Aunt and Uncle who was ill in any way. She was also reduced (GAH!) to drinking Gatorade again, which she swore she'd never do after the dysentery incident in June. She got dizzy holding her arms up above her head to put her hair in a pony tail and then she had to lie down. Alot. It wasn't looking good, people. And yet - the show, it must go on!

Rose changed into her costume beforehand, so she wouldn't wear herself out getting changed at the venue. Chris brought a stool for backstage, so Rose could sit her sorry ass down and suck Gatorade until the show started. We made sure there was a garbage bin in the wings for emergency vomiting.
Right up until the lights went down, Rose wasn't sure she could do it. But then the show started . . . and we were doin' it! No barfing in the trunk, no running offstage for a visit to the ladies' shitter - it was actually a pretty tight show, all things considered. And it was because we were both so thrilled that Rose wasn't in a coma that it took us nearly a third of the show to notice that the audience . . . was.

We'd like to think the audience enjoyed the show yesterday, but we couldn't really tell. It was so quiet, we could occasionally hear our own voices echoing through the theatre. When the show is a comedy, that's not so great.

But then we got this lovely comment on the Fringe Forum:

I enjoyed this one very much. It is very convincing with its lighthearted humour. A must see for anyone who wants to leave feeling a little bit more adventurous and less of a stickler that when they arrived.

Hey, right on! Thanks, "the witch"! Clearly, they were laughing on the INSIDE! HUZZAH!

slurpee count = 70 (Chris was very brave, drank Slurpees for two)

"I Think I Flyered the Premier"

Oh my god. We're here, we're queer (well, just Rose is) and WE LOVE SASKATOON.

The glory began when we arrived at Rose's aunt and uncle's place, which is a) beautiful and b) literally a stone's throw from Broadway, the main Fringe Fest drag here in town. We made it through the lobby/safari:

And, after a good night's rest, we showed up at Venue #1, The Broadway Theatre, for our technical rehearsal. It, ah, was easy to find.

We were a little worried coming to Saskatoon because this is the only Fringe where we didn't manage to scare up a stage manager. So we sent our script ahead, crossed our fingers and lucked right the hell out. Andy, our venue technician, is FANTASTIC. Within the first five minutes of our rehearsal, he actually uttered the phrase "I'm here to make you guys happy" WITHOUT IRONY. Rose nearly cried.

So today is the opening day of the Fringe here in Saskatoon and we spent much of the afternoon pestering local merchants to let us put up posters, handing out some super-cool buttons, kickin' it at the Booster Juice, cornering a writer from the Star-Phoenix and talking about ourselves and then . . . then Chris unknowingly flyered not only the Honourable Lorne Calvert, Premier of Saskatchewan:

But also Donald J. Atchison, the Mayor of Saskatoon:

 

Well done, Chris!

87% True is opening here in just a few hours, so we'd better get ready. 'Cause no matter how big and crazy it gets, Chris's mustache refuses to trim itself. Lazy bastard.

Slurpee count = 65

Escape - COMPLETE!

It was with tears of joy and gratitude that we stopped on the Trans Canada Highway to take the following photo:

Woohoo! We spent our first (and only) Manitoba night nestled delightfully at Chris's good friend's parents' farm just outside Winnipeg. It was animals galore - between the Great Dane, the two cats, the horses and the alpacas, we were in cute, fuzzy heaven. Also, gigantic piles of dung alert.

Rose, who plays a large animal vet in the show and yet is actually terribly allergic to nature and most animals, decided to try a little method acting with Sequoia here:

Chris made a new friend who likes to chew on things, like his shorts:

 

And Chris also thanked Chairman Meow for allowing us to use his name in our show:

And then the knitter in Rose coveted the hilarious prize alpacas. We didn't take them with us, but only because Chris said they wouldn't fit in El Trucko.

The kickin' farm in Winnipeg was our last stop before hittin' Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, the site of our next Fringe! Saskatoon - there's a reason they call it the "Paris of the Prairies". We're about to find out.

Slurpee count = 63

Almost Out of Ontario

Hey, guess what? Ontario is BIG. It's so big that we've been driving for 4 days and WE'RE STILL IN ONTARIO.

Now, to be fair, we took it fairly easy the first few days. Our first stop was Sudbury, Blueberry Capital of the World, where Chris and I stayed with his kind and lovely friends from Salt Spring Island. It was Chris' 30th birthday that day and so his friends made him a pie. We ate the pie and pronounced it the best damn pie we'd ever had. We also has our astrological charts done, so now, in addition to our roadmap of Canada, we have a roadmap for our LIVES. Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!

Night Two was spent in beautiful downtown Wawa, Ontario. As we know no one in Wawa, we kicked it to the Sportsman's Motel (Spend the Night - Not a Fortune!) Chris hit the Beer Store and Rose hit the Macs for a Slurpee. Then we had to run the gauntlet of sportsman loitering in the parking lot right outside our room.  On the way out of town, we hit the Giant Goose. Chris' imaginative pose inspired countless other tourists and as we left, several people were imitating the goose in flight. Chris briefly considered a career as a cult leader, but then Rose poked him with her knitting needle and told him to keep his damn eyes on the road.

And then there was Night Three, which we spent in the palatial home of Rose's dad's friends Bob and Carol. Bob and Carol weren't home but they left us a key and we were in there like dirty shirts, splashing in Lake Superior, scampering about their gorgeous home and touching all of their stuff. Being conservationists, we took care to leave only footprints. And perhaps a little sand. And a bottle of wine, 'cause we're all class.

One of the highlights of the evening was when Rose answered the phone and it was Bob and Carol's daughter on the other end. "What?" she said, bewildered by Rose's peppy "Hi, Bob and Carol's place!" "Where the hell are my parents?" "They're off in the States," Rose told her, "and we're in their house! But not in an illegal way." Rose neglected to mention to Bob and Carol's daughter that Chris would be sleeping in her room that night. HA ha!

Also, over the course of this journey, we remembered that we are doing a show! And that we rewrote chunks of the show we did in Toronto! And that we don't know all our new lines! So when were weren't reading our astrological charts, fussing with the iPod, passing the same camper van 8 times in 2 hours, eating a greasy, bacon-y breakfast, stopping at the Sev in Dryden for a Slurpee or knitting, we were rehearsing! We hope that yelling over the raging wind from the open truck windows as we speed down the Trans Canada at 100 km/hour will help us with our "projection" skills.

And so here we are, minutes from the Ontario/Manitoba border, in the nicest, most comfortable coffee shop in Kenora, Ontario. It's called HoJoe's. And the frozen hot chocolate makes the Second Cup's taste like hot buttered ASS. Next stop - The 'Peg!

Slurpee count = 59

One Fringe Down - THREE TO GO

We finished up our run at the Toronto Fringe last night with a wicked audience and a brand new ending. Of course, the new ending was nothing compared to last night's beginning; as the lights went down, a young man whose name rhymes with "Bawn Boward" shouted out "This better not SUCK, ROSE!!" Let me tell you, nothing warms an audience up like some tree-hugger yelling crazy shit in the blackout. Thanks, Bawn! You're the best.

Thanks are also owed to our fabulous house technicians, Zoe and Aaron and, of course, to our young stage manager, Alex Bateman, pictured below.

Not many young people today would answer a call seeking a "keen theatre teen". Not many young people would continue to be keen once they heard what kind of pay we were offering to a stage manager. But Alex - sweet, keen Alex - Alex helped us out. Thanks, Alex!

Last night marked the end of our Toronto Fringe experience (oh, except for today, when we realized we'd forgotten our goddamn sandwich board at the venue) and it's been great. Lovely audiences, big last-minute script revisions and, many, many slurpees. How many?

Slurpee count = 39

Monday Fringe Blogging is the New Black

One of the lovely writers from blogTO was meant to come to see 87% True on Friday, but a crisis (Mercury is in retrograde, people) prevented her from seeing what turned out to be a crap-tastic, slide-projector-less, Chris-and-Rose-like-deer-in-headlights-with-disorders-of-the-central-nervous-system show. So, you know, ha ha . . . that all worked out.

Instead, she posted a great write-up about our blog over on blogTO. Thanks, Katherine!

One of the joys of blogging the Fringe is being able to link to other bloggers who've posted their hilarious (mis)adventures about coming to our show.

The lovely and fabulous Lex had a little trouble making it to opening night but DID manage to catch the show on Friday, or, as we refer to it, The Day The Projector Died And All Our Worst Fears Were Realized. She also managed to surreptitiously snap this photo, because she is gifted.

The fabulous and lovely Heather brought her feller Dave to our opening night and posted a terrific account of their date and our historic IN REAL LIFE meeting. My favourite collection of exclamation points: "The money goes to the artists! It's funny! You'll be cool! They serve beer afterward!"

It's all true.

Slurpee count = 30

87% True - 100% OPEN!!

Hey! The show opened! Last night! No one puked! Huzzah!

Our opening night performance was your typical mix of "Heeeeeeey! We're COOKIN' here! Yeeeaaaaaaaaaah!" moments, which were then followed by moments of "Heeeeeeey! It smells baaaaaaaaaad!" But overall neither of us forgot big chunks of the show and our stage manager Alex didn't play Black Sabbath instead of our accordion music and kind, kind friends came and even our venue technician laughed a couple of times, so really, it was a pretty sweet way to kick off our four city Fringe-stravaganza!

So thank you to all of you wonderful, guffaw-inclined folks who showed up at 8:45 p.m. on a Wednesday night. We felt the love. And it felt good. But not in a dirty way.

Speaking of dirty, Kate snapped a picture of Chris during what is widely considered to be the funniest line of the show. If you've seen the show, remember it fondly. And if you haven't, consider it a teaser. Good times.

Slurpee count = 26 (but Chris poured most of his down the sink. "Banana Split" is some nasty shit, people.)

In the Nick of Time

Our show is not particularly tech heavy. The fanciest thing in it is the slide projector, which we thought would be a big hassle.

Of course, we got the projector in plenty of time. But you know what's great with a slide projector? SLIDES. And? When the slides you ordered 10 days before don't make it to you in time for your technical rehearsal? Because you ordered them from the States 'cause they were cheaper and they promised a 48 hour turn around time? But they LIED?

Crazy contingency plans are spawned. Bricks are shat. Angry after-hours calls are made to the U.S. Postal Service. It was looking dire. But then - just as we were poised to spend more money we don't have getting an entirely new set of emergency slides done for the show tomorrow night - the slides arrived. And they are beautiful.

Whew.

That's it. Next time we do a show, it's gonna be a barstool and a bottle of water. And maybe we'll wear pants.

Slurpee count = 24

Happy Canada Day!

Chris and I celebrated Canada Day in the following ways:

* Drinking maple syrup right out of the bottle (Rose)

* Wearing nothing but a maple leaf out on Church Street (Chris, who wonders why people still think he's a gay)

* Interpretive dance to the music of Loreena McKennitt (Scottie the Bear)

* Trying to buy rope at the gay hardware store ("It's not for the spanky spanky!" - Rose)

* Dressing Scottie up as Sir John A. MacDonald ("The resemblance is striking!" - Chris)

* Pretending our Starbucks coffee was Tim Hortons (Love Timmies but was too far.)

Slurpee count = 20

Xtra! Xtra! Read All About It!

Because Rose is a gay, she got interviewed by Xtra! Magazine. And today, we saw Serafin's brilliant preview write up for our show! Here's our excerpt. Love it. As we do.

Lesbian thespians & bears, oh my

Let's start with a story of bears - and we don't mean our jean-shorts wearing, leather-harnessed brethren. We're talking real, honest-to-goodness Yogi and Boo-Boo type bears.

It all started with an old black and white photo: A full-grown bear stands on its hind legs, towering over a man who is feeding it with a baby bottle. From this improbable spectacle grew two generations of imaginative family lore, spinning tales of bestials trysts, unlikely offspring and the mystery of two twins who may not be related - all detailed in Rosemary Rowe and Chris Gilpin's play 87% True: The Lies That Bind.

Ursula and Orson have been estranged for many years. Though close as children, the twins' divergent personalities and lifestyles have kept the two apart until their grandmother's death. The funeral is a sad occasion, but the siblings find some comfort in their reunion and seem to set aside their differences in anticipation of Granny's will reading.

Of course, it all goes to hell in a picnic basket. Turns out that Granny's been hiding a secret all these years: one of the twins was actually adopted, but the old bat couldn't remember which when she wrote the will.

To make matters worse, only the biological offspring can inherit the grandmother's estate, which leaves the distraught duo going through old photos, slides and documents to determine who gets all of Granny's goodies.

It's during this ancestral excavation that the differences between brother and sister begin to surface. Where Ursula is methodical and boring, Orson seems to embody the family sense of the unlikely and the fantastical.

The infamous bear-feeding photo sparks a vicious rivalry, with Ursula dismissing the scenario as an unlikely pet, and Orson maintaining that Grandma and the bear engaged in intimate relations, producing a fantastical lineage of ursine-monikered children.

"We actually created the play the same way that family stories seem to develop," says co-writer Rowe, a queer playwright and blogger based in Toronto. "There was a basic set of ideas to start with and then we just extrapolated."

Rowe crafted the story with longtime friend and fellow Edmontoner Gilpin; the two have been close friends since high school.

"Chris's family actually had a farm in Alberta with this pet bear, which is where we got the picture. It was his grandfather feeding the bear."

In fact, Gilpin's furry friend makes an actual (if macabre) appearance in 87% True - the bear's head is now struffed and will be mounted on the wall of the set.

87% True opens July 5 at 8:45 p.m. in the Factory Theatre Studio (125 Bathurst Street).

Slurpee count = 18

Our Fourth Cast Member Arrives

Well, she's not as cuddly as our third cast member, but the slide projector we got in the mail today can be warm in her own special way. If you treat her right.

Rose:  She seems so . . . remote.

Chris:  Well . . . she came with a remote.

Rose:  That explains it.

Her drab exterior masks the glow within. She is smudged with the fingerprints of a hundred AV Club nerds. She is ours. And she is beautiful.

 

Slurpees consumed = 15

Daquiris consumed = 3

Proud Rehearsal

I do not recommend rehearsing during the Pride parade. Our apartment is about 50 feet from Yonge Street and Kate was doing her traditional Parade commentary from the dining room, so Chris and my attempt at running lines came out sounding like this:

"Orson, I am not being voted out of the family by you and -" "Dykes on Bikes! Yeeeeeeeeeaaaah!!"

"My mother was a terrible cook, so my father danced with her all the rest of the party to avoid eating her -" "Glittering, sequined, 20-foot reclining banana! Oh, Buddies . . ."

"Everyone in the family went out of their way to make you feel like -" "Leather bears! Leather bears! Man, it's gotta be hot in those chaps. It's too bad my brother is missing this . . ."

I know this is a couple of days late, but amoebic dysentery will do that. Hope you all had a safe and Happy Pride!

Slurpee count = 13

Rose Is No Longer in Charge of Getting Props

We apologize for the brief interruption to our daily blogging. Since we needed to get our hands on some hospital bracelet-type items, Rose decided that contracting some kind of amoebic dysentery and visiting the Emergency Room would be the best way to accomplish this key task. She was successful.

Method acting at its finest, people.

Slurpee count = 11

Emergency bottles of Gatorade consumed = GAH.

Cut

Sometimes, when your one-hour play clocks in at 58 minutes BEFORE you've added things in like "acting", you have to cut stuff. And sometimes, you have to cut stuff that you think is hilarious but is not necessarily working. Through the magic of blogging, however, we've been able to capture some of those lines and present them here! Completely out of context! Uh, so . . . here are some lines that won't be in the show:

"I told him if you were taking this long to drop a deuce, I'd probably have to take you to the hospital after."

"Don't you think it's time to PUT ON SOME PANTS?"

"Bitch was always after my goulash."

"Basically, outside this family, I am not treated like ASS."

-"Well, she showed me a picture of her brother once . . . "

-"But it turned out to be John Travolta?"

-"Yeah."

I'm sure there will be more. But in the meantime:

Slurpees consumed= 4

Insured!

You can all exhale. We managed to get our 1992 Mazda B2200 Long Box truck insured.

Going over the final details with the agent on the phone, Chris cocks his eyebrow at me as he says "Yes, that's right. My LONG BOX." We stifle a giggle. Ha ha ha!! You said "Long Box"!!! That's right, people. Pure comedy GOLD.

Slurpees consumed: 3

First Day of Rehearsal - COMPLETE

Chris got in from Vancouver Wednesday night and yesterday was our first full rehearsal for show. I was looking forward to sharing our breakthroughs, our despairs, our moments of REAL INSIGHT into these characters we've lovingly created. Instead, our day was all about El Trucko here. And it went like this:

8:30 a.m.: Rose discovers that she can't insure El Trucko with her current license, which we'll call her "kiddie license." Foiled!

9:00 a.m.: Chris calls, sounding amazing perky considering the possible jet lag due to three hour time difference. He says he'll be showing up between 10 and 10:30 a.m. Rose promises muffins.

9:59 a.m.: Rose puts pants on.

10:01 a.m.: Chris shows up. There are no muffins. Rose placates him with a cookie.

10:05 a.m.: Rose reveals to Chris the latest chapter in the ongoing "How to insure a BC driver on an Ontario truck" oeuvre. If you're interested, the chapter is entitled "FOILED".

10:07 a.m.: Chris has a brilliant idea. Rose calls the insurance people back to ask if they will insure someone with a temporary Ontario license. They will. SUCCESS! But the insurance people at Rose's bank seem suspicious that she keeps changing her license story. Chris encourages her to hang up before they "trace the call."

10:30 a.m.: Turns out you need your passport to get an Ontario driver's license! Chris has his passport - back at his friend Greg's house.

10:45 a.m.: Chris and Rose witness a man screaming obscenities at the poor TTC ticket booth guy at Wellesley Station. They give crazy Mr. Fuck You a wide berth, because, unlike the TTC guy, Chris and Rose are not surrounded by bullet-proof glass.

11:39 a.m.: Passport obtained!

12:25 p.m.: Government office reached. The wait is surprisingly short, considering it's lunch hour. Chris nearly blacks out from jet lag and low blood sugar, but passes the vision test. Then he gives a jet-lagged, drugged-over grimace when the lady takes his picture. Chris will not be posting the photo here.

1:00 p.m.: Lunch. Sweet, sweet lunch.

2:48 p.m.: Show up at El Trucko's now former owner's house to sign the legal documents. Chris becomes the legal owner of the hippie truck. Former owner suggests that we paint our URL on the back of the truck for our trip. Former owner's baby claps his hands at his mother's brilliant marketing idea. Chris and Rose think it's great too - although when you have your URL on the back of your truck, you can't drive like an asshole. Foiled!

3:30 p.m.: Locate the top half of Chris's costume at the Goodwill Store. Sweet!

3:31 p.m.: Rose is tired and sunburned. Chris expresses his interest in getting his jet-lagged ass into the fetal position. Our heroes part ways for the day. On the way home, Rose stops at the Sev. For the "first rehearsal" Slurpee.

End Day 1.

I know, I know - SCINTILLATING. Sigh. We're hoping that the days to come will be lighter on El Trucko-related drama and heavier on . . . actual drama. Like, you know - the show.

I have got to get a Slurpee Meter going on the side. Until then . . .

Slurpees Consumed:  1

87% True - 100% Edmonton!

Did you feel the shaking earlier this week? Yeah, that was Chris and I jumping up and down on opposite sides of the country after finding out that we are officially off the waiting list and into the Edmonton Fringe!

That last show Chris and I did together was at the Edmonton Fringe in 1994; it was called Selling Pyrogies to Gerard Depardieu (shut up, I was 17 and long titles were cool) and oddly enough, it too hinged on the death of an eccentric grandmother. We got into the Edmonton Fringe off the waiting list that time as well; fortunately, we'd been rehearsing the show for a post-Fringe event, so when they called us one week before the festival to tell us that some American company had dropped out after being stopped at the border for trying to bring in "oranges" (a likely story), we jumped at the chance to take over their spot.

The problem was that because we were last minute addition, our show wasn't listed in the Fringe program (or on their website, because I think this was before the Fringe even had a website - I know for sure it was before I even had an e-mail address) AND it was in a new venue - the McCoy building, which I don't think they've used since - where there was virtually no walk-by traffic. Keen to get people to actually show up, our little company (Chris, Paul, Trish, Cheryl, my brother and I) tried to wallpaper whole buildings with our posters and handed out flyers to anything that moved. My dad convinced his shopping mall manager friend to program the mall's scrolling outdoor lightboard to include our show details. My mother called everyone she had ever met. Twice. Her sisters came up with their kids and their "I'm Rose's Aunt" sweatshirts. It was awesome.

We also caught a real break that year in our quest for last minute publicity thanks to a show called The Happy Cunt. The provocative title set prairie tongues a-waggin'. There were discussions over risque Fringe titles - had they gone too far? Could they say "cunt" in the paper? Were senior citizens outraged? One night on the news, a roving CTV reporter was doing "man on the street interviews" to gauge viewers' Fringe title disgruntlement. You could tell she thought she'd hit the jackpot when she cornered an elderly gentleman in front of a wall of Fringe posters, The Happy Cunt among them and possibly also the poster for the show where the girl advertised she would be "masturbating with a knife".

Reporter: [indicating The Happy Cunt's poster] Sir, what do you think? Do you think these Fringe titles have gotten . . . OUT OF CONTROL?

Old Guy: [totally ignoring where she's pointing] Well, this one looks good! Selling Pyrogies to Gerard Depardieu. Heh heh. That sounds pretty funny. I would see that.

Reporter: [visibly annoyed at his lack of fury] What about these other poster, sir? Are you offended by these titles? Do they . . . INFURIATE you?

Old Guy: [still reading our poster] McCoy Building. Oh, look, their first show is tomorrow at 7. Yep. Looks good to me.

HA ha!! We ended up having quite a successful Fringe that year. Thank you, old guy, whoever you are. Thank you.