87% True: The Lies That Bind

Xtra! Xtra! Read All About It!

Because Rose is a gay, she got interviewed by Xtra! Magazine. And today, we saw Serafin's brilliant preview write up for our show! Here's our excerpt. Love it. As we do.

Lesbian thespians & bears, oh my

Let's start with a story of bears - and we don't mean our jean-shorts wearing, leather-harnessed brethren. We're talking real, honest-to-goodness Yogi and Boo-Boo type bears.

It all started with an old black and white photo: A full-grown bear stands on its hind legs, towering over a man who is feeding it with a baby bottle. From this improbable spectacle grew two generations of imaginative family lore, spinning tales of bestials trysts, unlikely offspring and the mystery of two twins who may not be related - all detailed in Rosemary Rowe and Chris Gilpin's play 87% True: The Lies That Bind.

Ursula and Orson have been estranged for many years. Though close as children, the twins' divergent personalities and lifestyles have kept the two apart until their grandmother's death. The funeral is a sad occasion, but the siblings find some comfort in their reunion and seem to set aside their differences in anticipation of Granny's will reading.

Of course, it all goes to hell in a picnic basket. Turns out that Granny's been hiding a secret all these years: one of the twins was actually adopted, but the old bat couldn't remember which when she wrote the will.

To make matters worse, only the biological offspring can inherit the grandmother's estate, which leaves the distraught duo going through old photos, slides and documents to determine who gets all of Granny's goodies.

It's during this ancestral excavation that the differences between brother and sister begin to surface. Where Ursula is methodical and boring, Orson seems to embody the family sense of the unlikely and the fantastical.

The infamous bear-feeding photo sparks a vicious rivalry, with Ursula dismissing the scenario as an unlikely pet, and Orson maintaining that Grandma and the bear engaged in intimate relations, producing a fantastical lineage of ursine-monikered children.

"We actually created the play the same way that family stories seem to develop," says co-writer Rowe, a queer playwright and blogger based in Toronto. "There was a basic set of ideas to start with and then we just extrapolated."

Rowe crafted the story with longtime friend and fellow Edmontoner Gilpin; the two have been close friends since high school.

"Chris's family actually had a farm in Alberta with this pet bear, which is where we got the picture. It was his grandfather feeding the bear."

In fact, Gilpin's furry friend makes an actual (if macabre) appearance in 87% True - the bear's head is now struffed and will be mounted on the wall of the set.

87% True opens July 5 at 8:45 p.m. in the Factory Theatre Studio (125 Bathurst Street).

Slurpee count = 18

Well, we got our venue and times for Saskatoon today and they're both lookin' mad purt. The Broadway Theatre! On Broadway Avenue! Auspicious! Right?

Here are the goods:

Venue 1 - The Broadway Theatre, 715 Broadway Avenue

Thursday, Aug 3     8:00pm
Saturday, Aug 5     2:00pm
Sunday, Aug 6       10:00pm
Tuesday, Aug 8      4:00pm
Saturday, Aug 12    8:00pm
Sunday, Aug 13       2:00pm

I gotta say, Saskatoon is the exciting mystery spot on our tour. I live in Toronto, Chris and I grew up in Edmonton and Chris lives in Vancouver, but Saskatoon . . . Saskatoon is unfamiliar. My lovely aunt and uncle, who've graciously agreed to host us during the Fringe, live in Saskatoon and we visited there a few times when I was a child. Also, I went there on a band trip in 10th Grade and still have a photograph of me and my soon-to-be Grade 10 boyfriend Mark holding hands by the Vegreville Egg. Ah, young love. He's gay now too.

Slurpee count = 16

Our Fourth Cast Member Arrives

Well, she's not as cuddly as our third cast member, but the slide projector we got in the mail today can be warm in her own special way. If you treat her right.

Rose:  She seems so . . . remote.

Chris:  Well . . . she came with a remote.

Rose:  That explains it.

Her drab exterior masks the glow within. She is smudged with the fingerprints of a hundred AV Club nerds. She is ours. And she is beautiful.

 

Slurpees consumed = 15

Daquiris consumed = 3

It's Time for More Pictures of Bears!

When the edge of your poster says "Drunken Bears Get in Free!" and features a bear getting drunk, people send you photos of drunken bears. Melissa was kind enough to post this photo on her blog:

She claims the bear has been drinking Heineken, but I don't know - he looks like more of a Pabst Blue Ribbon drinker to me.

Kristen also sent in some shots of a petting zoo bear named Smokey, who enjoys peppermints and, if the photographs are any indication, making out with COMPLETE STRANGERS.

 

At first I wondered "Peppermints? Really?" But then it all became clear - Smokey probably needs those mints to cover up the smell of booze on his breath. Well played, my ursine friend. Well played.

Proud Rehearsal

I do not recommend rehearsing during the Pride parade. Our apartment is about 50 feet from Yonge Street and Kate was doing her traditional Parade commentary from the dining room, so Chris and my attempt at running lines came out sounding like this:

"Orson, I am not being voted out of the family by you and -" "Dykes on Bikes! Yeeeeeeeeeaaaah!!"

"My mother was a terrible cook, so my father danced with her all the rest of the party to avoid eating her -" "Glittering, sequined, 20-foot reclining banana! Oh, Buddies . . ."

"Everyone in the family went out of their way to make you feel like -" "Leather bears! Leather bears! Man, it's gotta be hot in those chaps. It's too bad my brother is missing this . . ."

I know this is a couple of days late, but amoebic dysentery will do that. Hope you all had a safe and Happy Pride!

Slurpee count = 13

Rose Is No Longer in Charge of Getting Props

We apologize for the brief interruption to our daily blogging. Since we needed to get our hands on some hospital bracelet-type items, Rose decided that contracting some kind of amoebic dysentery and visiting the Emergency Room would be the best way to accomplish this key task. She was successful.

Method acting at its finest, people.

Slurpee count = 11

Emergency bottles of Gatorade consumed = GAH.

Our Third Cast Member Arrives

When Chris showed me the photo of the guy feeding the bear (on the left!), we knew it had to be the photo on our poster, our buttons, all over our blog, in our dreams at night. The bear in the photo is named Scottie. And the man feeding the bear is Chris' grandfather.

Scottie was such a cherished and beloved pet that, when he met his maker, Chris' grandfather decided that pictures were insufficient to remember Scottie by. And that's how Chris grew up with the head of his grandfather's pet bear hanging on his bedroom wall. And now, through the magic of Chris's mother and Purolator . . . Scottie's head has arrived in my living room. He is really raising the tone.

We opened Scottie's box and found that he had written us a note:

Hey Chris!

What's going on? I was removed from my place of honour above your old bed, my crown removed and stuffed in a box. I was told I was going to join you in a cross country adventure! That's a lot to ask of a guy who grew up on a quiet farm in Alberta and has spent the last 60-odd years adorning walls. I also heard I will be travelling with Rose and that I will like her alot. I hope this will all be "bear" able. Looking forward to seeing you and meeting Rose and . . . getting out of this box. Scottie.

Scottie will be not only be accompanying us on our Fringe tour, but he is also playing the part of "Hugo" in our show.  If his humble, eloquent writing style and whimsical drawings are any indication, he's going to be BRILLIANT.

Slurpee count: 9

The First Poster is Away! The First Poster is Away!

It was a banner day for us here at 87% True.

1. Chris became the legal owner of El Trucko! His first act as owner was to park the hippie truck illegally so that I could pop out and return El Trucko's former plates. Chris is such a bad ass. And El Trucko is clearly destined to be his subtle and stealthy accomplice.

 

2. We met up with my pal Mira, who promised to paper the Halls (and Cubicles) of Justice with our posters and pin the Chests of Justice with our buttons. Muffins and light refreshments were served. Underwear was discussed.

3. We, uh . . . re-wrote the last third of play.

4. Our first actual act of postering was committed when El Trucko's mechanic, James McDermott, offered to put our poster up on the door of his shop at Parliament and Shuter! We were speechless with delight. Nearby tires seemed unaffected.

 

Slurpee count = 7

Push Our Buttons

Finding new and exciting ways to get people to not chuck your show's promotional material is a perennial challenge for any Fringe performer. So before Chris left Vancouver, he made a date with our graphic designer pal Carley and her button press. I think you'll agree the results are delightful. If there's one thing the Fringe has been missing, it's drunken bear buttons with our URL on them. Well, not THIS year! HA ha!

I love them. Partly because I love neat little buttons and partly because they look like candy. Mmmm. Candy.

These buttons are available gratis anywhere Chris and I happen to be; on the streetcar, at the coffee shop, at your office. I'm thinking that perhaps we'll also try and hand some out at this weekend's Pride festivities! Because no one digs drunken bear buttons MORE . . . than drunken bears.

Cut

Sometimes, when your one-hour play clocks in at 58 minutes BEFORE you've added things in like "acting", you have to cut stuff. And sometimes, you have to cut stuff that you think is hilarious but is not necessarily working. Through the magic of blogging, however, we've been able to capture some of those lines and present them here! Completely out of context! Uh, so . . . here are some lines that won't be in the show:

"I told him if you were taking this long to drop a deuce, I'd probably have to take you to the hospital after."

"Don't you think it's time to PUT ON SOME PANTS?"

"Bitch was always after my goulash."

"Basically, outside this family, I am not treated like ASS."

-"Well, she showed me a picture of her brother once . . . "

-"But it turned out to be John Travolta?"

-"Yeah."

I'm sure there will be more. But in the meantime:

Slurpees consumed= 4

Insured!

You can all exhale. We managed to get our 1992 Mazda B2200 Long Box truck insured.

Going over the final details with the agent on the phone, Chris cocks his eyebrow at me as he says "Yes, that's right. My LONG BOX." We stifle a giggle. Ha ha ha!! You said "Long Box"!!! That's right, people. Pure comedy GOLD.

Slurpees consumed: 3

First Day of Rehearsal - COMPLETE

Chris got in from Vancouver Wednesday night and yesterday was our first full rehearsal for show. I was looking forward to sharing our breakthroughs, our despairs, our moments of REAL INSIGHT into these characters we've lovingly created. Instead, our day was all about El Trucko here. And it went like this:

8:30 a.m.: Rose discovers that she can't insure El Trucko with her current license, which we'll call her "kiddie license." Foiled!

9:00 a.m.: Chris calls, sounding amazing perky considering the possible jet lag due to three hour time difference. He says he'll be showing up between 10 and 10:30 a.m. Rose promises muffins.

9:59 a.m.: Rose puts pants on.

10:01 a.m.: Chris shows up. There are no muffins. Rose placates him with a cookie.

10:05 a.m.: Rose reveals to Chris the latest chapter in the ongoing "How to insure a BC driver on an Ontario truck" oeuvre. If you're interested, the chapter is entitled "FOILED".

10:07 a.m.: Chris has a brilliant idea. Rose calls the insurance people back to ask if they will insure someone with a temporary Ontario license. They will. SUCCESS! But the insurance people at Rose's bank seem suspicious that she keeps changing her license story. Chris encourages her to hang up before they "trace the call."

10:30 a.m.: Turns out you need your passport to get an Ontario driver's license! Chris has his passport - back at his friend Greg's house.

10:45 a.m.: Chris and Rose witness a man screaming obscenities at the poor TTC ticket booth guy at Wellesley Station. They give crazy Mr. Fuck You a wide berth, because, unlike the TTC guy, Chris and Rose are not surrounded by bullet-proof glass.

11:39 a.m.: Passport obtained!

12:25 p.m.: Government office reached. The wait is surprisingly short, considering it's lunch hour. Chris nearly blacks out from jet lag and low blood sugar, but passes the vision test. Then he gives a jet-lagged, drugged-over grimace when the lady takes his picture. Chris will not be posting the photo here.

1:00 p.m.: Lunch. Sweet, sweet lunch.

2:48 p.m.: Show up at El Trucko's now former owner's house to sign the legal documents. Chris becomes the legal owner of the hippie truck. Former owner suggests that we paint our URL on the back of the truck for our trip. Former owner's baby claps his hands at his mother's brilliant marketing idea. Chris and Rose think it's great too - although when you have your URL on the back of your truck, you can't drive like an asshole. Foiled!

3:30 p.m.: Locate the top half of Chris's costume at the Goodwill Store. Sweet!

3:31 p.m.: Rose is tired and sunburned. Chris expresses his interest in getting his jet-lagged ass into the fetal position. Our heroes part ways for the day. On the way home, Rose stops at the Sev. For the "first rehearsal" Slurpee.

End Day 1.

I know, I know - SCINTILLATING. Sigh. We're hoping that the days to come will be lighter on El Trucko-related drama and heavier on . . . actual drama. Like, you know - the show.

I have got to get a Slurpee Meter going on the side. Until then . . .

Slurpees Consumed:  1

Sweet Lavendar Lord, We're Near the Beer Tent! Right?

Well, even if they've moved the beer tent, our Edmonton venue is still ACES. It's on the main drag - it's near the ladies shitter and, perhaps most importantly, it's close to my dad's office, in case Chris and I get into any legal trouble.

Sutton Stage 9, Walterdale Playhouse
10322 - 83rd Avenue

Fri, August 18          4:15 PM
Sun, August 20         7:00 PM
Mon, August 21        4:15 PM
Wed, August 23        2:15 PM
Sat, August 26          7:15 PM
Sun, August 27         2:15 PM