Creampuff Under the Big Top
Cirque du Soleil's in town! And they're building their venue in the parking lot across the street! It turns out that you can't put up a Big Top in a parking lot without jackhammering and drilling for 8 hours a day, 6 days a week!
I'm trying to break my biological and chemical addiction to bitching about things and Cirque du Soleil is really not making it easy. But I thought that since the Cirque has presented me with this challenge so early in my attempted rehabilitation, it behooves me to rise to said challenge and stay positive about the impact the Cirque is currently having (and will likely have when the show is running) on our lives.
Here is what I've come up with:
Drilling is just mankind's way of giving Mother Earth a massage. While I may not appreciate the noise, I'm sure She appreciates the pampering.
The fence the Cirque has put up around their construction site is like a message board for dogs. So on really hot days, I won't even need to walk the pooch - I'll just trot her out to check her peemail.
Cirque du Soleil is pretty pricey and we probably won't actually go. But if the jackhammering sounds like it's right in the room with us, I bet we'll hear the show every night too! 8 shows a week! For FREE! Plus, there's bagpipes in the show! Total score.
Speaking of scoring, everyone knows Cirque du Soleil is even cooler when you're high. So if the ganja fairy fails us this summer, I plan to pass Emmy Lou off as a drug sniffing dog. I bet that after 25 minutes near the entrance of the Big Top, we'll be set well into 2010.
With the Cirque so close-by, providing a soundtrack to our summer nights, I'm thinking that Katr and I might re-enact that extremely hot scene from When Night is Falling, when Petra and Camille make hot circus love on a soft pile of curtains while those two girls in velvet outfits cavort above them on aerial straps. Katr and I would look HOT in the those velvet outfits. And we work those aerial straps like nobody's business.
If paying work is slow this summer, I could hang outside the Big Top with all of the Cirque du Soleil scalpers. But instead of scalping tickets to Cirque du Soleil, I'll ACTUALLY be selling tickets to my gun show. Hint: the tickets are free - I make all my money in the gift shop.
Speaking of shows, Cirque du Soleil setting up shop next door might actually help me fulfill a long-standing dream - getting my French clown act off the ground.
See, one time, at the train station in Montreal, a small French boy mistook me for a clown. In his defence, I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the station, wearing a bright red jacket, green leggings, green Docs, braids and a blue and white gingham kerchief with sunflowers on it. He pointed at me and exclaimed to his mother, "Maman, c'est un cloun! Un CLOUN, Maman!" I gave him the finger guns and he clapped excitedly before his mother dragged him away. The applause was addictive and I've been working on my performance ever since.
The plan is this: First, Emmy Lou and I will scout out the best location for busking as the 2600 spectators wait to get into the Big Top. When we've committed to a location, I will put on a red nose, tease my hair real big and put on my wedding dress. Then I put a ruff and a red nose on Emmy Lou. Then I hook her up to a little red wagon. In the wagon will be a sandwich board which reads "Cirque de la Lune". And then, when I have everyone's attention, I will moon them.
Then I will pass the hat.
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