Creampuff Critique

Those who know me would not think it amiss if I were to describe myself as an "ice cream connaisseur". When we lived in Toronto, our place was just around the corner from a Baskin & Robbins 31 Flavours, which I referred to as "my local". I was in there at least once a week. Rafael and Julio, who owned the franchise, always had a tiny pink spoon at the ready for me to taste whatever was "new". Because they knew that if it was new, I would buy it.

I like a lot of stuff in my ice cream. Walnuts, pecans, almonds, peanuts, pralines. Cherries, raisins, strawberries, bits of orange peel. Clusters, nuggets, crackle, flakes, crumble, chunks. Coconut. Tiny peanut butter cups. Pretzels. Churros. Birthday cake. Ribbons of all kinds (fudge, butterscotch, caramel, honey). Baklava. Anything but marshmallow (GAH - a scourge upon the 'mallow!) and bubblegum, or, as I call it, "Satan's Chewy Asshole".

When we moved to Vancouver, it was hard - really hard - to go back to Ben & Jerry's and, occasionally, Haagen Daz after the ever-changing splendour that was Baskin & Robbins. Oh sure, I enjoy my Chunky Monkey, my Cherry Garcia Frozen Yogurt, my New York SuperFudge Chunk (I love many other flavours, but selection here in Canada is somewhat limited). And HD's Caramel Cone Explosion and, more recently, Sticky Toffee Pudding, is always a treat. But I yearn for the new. I CRAVE the new. When I see the new, I snap it up! 

Now, I don't want to be a jerk. I'm sure Ben & Jerry work very hard. But I have to say that I haven't been taken with any of the recent Ben & Jerry flavours. An unaccountably curmudgeonly list of disappointments follows:

The Gobfather - First of all - it's best not to put the word "gob" in the name of a foodstuff. No one wants to eat anyone's gob. Also, with the chocolate ice cream and syrupy "ribbon" and chocolate covered whatevers, it was too sweet (which, for me, is really saying something. Because I will eat sugar cubes.)

Fossil Fuel - What's the difference between "ice cream" and "sweet cream"? All I know is that "sweet cream" made me want to erp. And the "cookie crumble" tasted like sand.

Peanut Butter Tracks - I LOVE peanut butter, peanut butter ice cream and peanut butter cups. And yet, the extremely waxy chocolate of the peanut butter cups displeased me. Why pay $6.49 for that when I can drip a melted candle into a jar of cold Skippy for practically nothing?

Strawberry Cheesecake - again, all the makings of a winner and I might have to chalk this one up to retailer error. Every Strawberry Cheesecake pint I've consumed (4 or 5) has contained, at some point in the pint, an impenetrable, fist-sized chunk of graham cracker "crust". The crust is extremely salty and not at all pleasant to consume in large quantities. Did each pint leave the factory in this condition? Or is there an unfreezing/graham-cracker-coalescing/refreezing sequence occurring somewhere on the journey?

Tortoise Soup - einh. Also, on the package, the cashews look a little like fetuses. I...I don't like that.

Banana Split - I saw this one last night and my heart leapt! Bananas! Strawberries! Fudge! I beetled home to try it and was annoyed that Katr made me eat a healthy meal of chicken curry and spinach first. I opened it early, to let it breathe and waited until it was just the right consistency before I dug in. I am sad to report that I found it rather tasteless. The chocolate clashed with the strawberry and zeroed out the banana.

Sigh. I'm about ready to give up on Ben and his pal Jerry. Am I crazy? Are there other flavours waiting to come north that I've not heard about? Any tips, fellow ice-cream lovers?

On the plus side, Ben & Jerry's failure to fulfill my ice cream needs spells economic prosperity for the one other purveyor of frozen desserts in my neighbourhood! The Amato Gelato at 2nd and Quebec can expect to see a lot more of me as the warmer weather approaches. What their gelato lacks in "stuff" it makes up for in variety. Blood orange sorbet - Italian wedding cake - their incomparable rum raisin - all will be enjoyed. And maybe, by the end of the summer, I'll have them trained to show me "what's new" when I come in. Because by then they will know that if it's new, I will buy it.

P.S. Ben & Jerry - I can't believe you gave Bovinity Divinity the axe but kept Phish Food around. Really? Marshmallow and fudge fish beat out sweet little white and milk chocolate cows? I don't get you guys.

Comments

[Kristen]

My mother bought Mark an ice cream maker, why, because little princess wanted one. Anyway, we like making our own ice cream and the quick method only has to freeze for a couple of hours. I really like peanutbutter with Reeses Pieces. Fun, simple and yummy.

[Mander]

My current B&J fave is Stephen Colbert's Americome Dream - vanilla ice cream with caramel swirls and chocolate-covered waffle cone pieces. Unnnghhhh..... *drool* (that's my best Homer Simpson impression) I suppose it's unlikely an ice cream with Ameri-anything could be found in your neck of the woods though.

I HATE the freezer-hard graham cracker chunk! I thought that only happened in my pints of ice cream, grrr.

[JMc]

I heart Ben and Jerry's. Although maybe that is because I have never tried one of their ice cream flavors with fruit in it...because fruit pollutes ice cream.
On a side note, B&J supports a 7:1 pay scale at their company, among many other perks... which is really the only reason I buy copious amounts of ice cream from them... to support good works... by voting with my dollar.

[red mojo]

My favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor right now is Dublin Mudslide! OH MY! I also really like Willie Nelson's peach cobbler, and Americone Dream is very good. Look for those. Good luck!

btw I thought it was so funny over at Benjamin's blog that you recommended "The Court Jester". I love Danny Kaye too. I have that movie, and "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" which is classic Danny Kaye...tapokita...tapokita...tapokita

[michelle]

I wept when I heard you don't have Cold Stone Creamery's up north, it was then I knew that no matter how big of a freaktard we elect into office, I would never be able to move to Canuckland.

[Heather]

As one of the 5 foods i can currently eat with reduced danger of ralphing (and I didn't even earn the barfing! usually when i'm sick there's a good tequila story from the night before to have earned it!) I can't believe you don't share my love of rocky road. I've managed to convince myself marshmallow chunks are good for the baby! But, in all seriousness all this talk of ice cream (and the reviews are appreciated btw) makes me want a diet cherry chocolate dr pepper float with vanilla ice cream. Mmmmmm. Think I could call that a breakfast food?

[Cheryl]

Blood orange sorbet! Tasty! Also, isn't gelato health food, relatively speaking? The kind of relative healthfood we can all embrace!

I hear you on the Phish Food. Those weird little fish are kind of tasteless and waxy. No can deal.

[K-Prime]

I support Ben and Jerry's for one simple reason - Half Baked.

[Benjamin]

New design, Ro?

[Drew]

I'm so in agreement with you on the Bovinity Divinity. That totally rocked my world. I also throughly enjoyed the Dilbert ice cream, Totally Nuts. And NY Super Fudge Chunk is always a go to ice cream.

You have gelato?...sweet sweet gelato...sigh...summer memories are coming back to me now! Do you have Coldstone Creamery up there?

Um, its been a while since I came to your blog directly, but when did you join the lesbian army? And honestly, I feel that your 'peoples' camo colours would be something slightly more practical than the pinks. I'm just saying.

[kimananda]

Not all Ben and Jerry's are created equal, but I for one could never forsake them. Unless they pull the plug on Cookie Dough. At that point, all bets would be off. If you were here in Denmark, though, I'd provide you with a container or two of Hansen's. Their licorice ice cream is the best.

[seizuresalad]

When I was growing up my dad only bought one kind of ice cream: Heavenly Hash. I have since developed an aversion to any ice cream with too much stuff in it. I like my chocolate and strawberry.

Nice new look Roro! Can you come redesign my blog? It's fugly. :(

[roro]

Kristen - THAT's what I need! My own ice cream maker! Your peanut butter with Reeses Pieces sounds heavenly. Mmmm.

Mander - I'm DYING to try Ameri-cone Dream! I'm hoping that when we're in San Fran this summer I'll find an ice cream shangri-la near the hotel and have an all-day "tasting". Also, glad to know it's not just me with the graham cracker problem. Get on it, Ben & Jerry!

JMc - It makes me happy to learn that Ben & Jerry are good to their employees. Because I've sent at least 5 of their kids to college over the years.

red mojo - I saw Dublin Mudslide on their site and nearly fainted with lust. Good to know it's as good as it sounds. And Danny Kaye is a GOD. Now I want to watch Walter Mitty again...thanks for reminding me!

michelle - Yeah, no Cold Stone. I had some in New York once. It was a very special time. They almost had to call the cops to get me to leave.

Heather - I think there's protein in marshmallows, so you're good there. And my local is out of Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper. I'm so chagrined! Make sure you drink one for me, okay?

Cheryl - It IS tasty! Very high brow. And yes, I'm sure it has copious amounts of Vitamin C.

K-Prime - I have to be in a very special mood for Half-baked. But when I'm there, it's a lovely ride. Excellent choice!

Benjamin - No, no... it's always looked like this.

Drew - I'm glad you remember Bovinity Divinity fondly. As for the camo, it was time for a change and this was the only Typepad theme that I thought was funny AND functional. The old one - so stale.

Kimananda - Ooo! Licorice? Black or red?

seizuresalad - We always rebel against the familiar, don't we? I respect your choice to eat smooth ice cream. And your site's not fugly! Typepad does have some new themes you might like, though...

[Jess]

I've been reading/enjoying your blog for quite some time and I never imagined a Ben & Jerry's post would finally get me to delurk.

Here's the inside "scoop" from some one who grew up in Vermont and can still remember the renovated gas station that was B & J's first home...Ben & Jerry sold the company to the multi-national company Unilever several years ago. Since then I believe they have not been very involved in the company (although their progressive employment practices are still in place).

I agree, many of the new flavors have missed the mark. My all time favorite will always be Health Bar Crunch - I've finished many a pint in one sitting digging for just one more piece of Heath Bar. Chocolate Fudge Brownie is a close second.

Since selling the company B & J launched a group called True Majority and have been advocating for less spending on the military and more spending on eduction. Ben can also be seen around town driving his Obama mobile (http://vermontdailybriefing.com/?p=869).

By the way, they have an actual graveyard at their Waterbury plant for discontinued flavors...I'll light a candle for Bovinity Divinity.

[Lex]

Love your critiques!
Vanilla is my flavour of choice. Yes. Vanilla.

[roro]

Jess - I love that you have the inside scoop on B&J. Thank you for delurking and sharing!! The Obamobile - that's so awesome. And I think I've had this Heath Bar Crunch of which you speak - here in Canada, it was called Vanilla Toffee Crunch and MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITE, which you have reminded me of, was Coffee Toffee Crunch. Best. Ice cream. EVER. I appreciate your candle lighting - those cows must be remembered!

Lex - Really?? I had you down as a Rocky Road girl all this time. I guess my icecreamdar is broken. I blame Unilever.

[kimananda]

It's a black licorice, very subtle, but divine. No stuff in it, but what it lacks in stuff, it makes up for in yummy uniqueness.

[greymatters]

My favorites: Cherry Garcia, and the Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. Yummy.

[June]

Have you tried Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup flavor? Peanut butter ice cream with peanut butter cups inside. Because I didn't read the label beyond the name of the flavor, I was expecting chocolate ice cream with peanut butter cups - but peanut butter ice cream is even better!

My other favorites are cherry garcia and chunky monkey.

If you visit the Ben and Jerry's factory in Vermont, you can see the graveyard of flavors past. (And get a free sample of ice cream.)

[The Viscount]

My new band's name will be "Satan's Chewy Asshole." Love it!

B+J is much better in-store - more flavours, better quality. But don't forget to try Vermonty Python. Coffee swirl and chocolate cows. Top marks.

[MARCHMOON]

I guess I shouldn't tell you this, but Phish Food is my favorite.