Third Tag's the Charm for Creampuff

When people tag me to write certain kinds of posts, I don't like to respond RIGHT AWAY. You know, I like to let tags ripen, like a good cheese or a bold Shiraz or Olympia Dukakis. I also like to let them pile up. Every now and then I open the room in my brain where they are stored and I see them, glittering in the gloom behind a pile of unread issues of The Beaver: Canada's History Magazine.

So Sparkles, Whozat and recent birthday girl Becky - this 7 Things About Me (Food Edition) is for you! (Special to Kimananda - I haven't forgotten you - but I AM saving yours for the holidays. You know why.)

1. Rice. I do not care for it. Last weekend, for example, I spent a goodly amount of time making a delicious beef stew. Katr suggested I add "a handful" of rice to the pot, to starch it up a little. I thought she was being skimpy with the rice because she knows I do not care for it, so I decided to take one for the team and add a little more. The demon rice proceeded to suck up all the available moisture, turning the stew into strice. Katr was annoyed with me for not listening to her. I was annoyed with the rice. Fucking rice.

I do like rice pudding, but I really see it more as a delivery method for cream and raisins.

2. Raw carrots give me hiccups.

3. I have a chocolate ritual. Whenever I eat chocolate - every time - I always internally quote the creampuff kid in the original 1976 Bad News Bears who, when the coach suggests he lay off the junk food, replies: "There's ENERGY in chocolate. I NEED ENERGY."

4. I love disgusting diet pop. I remember my friend Chma recoiling in horror in the late '80's when we were eating fries n' gravy at Meadowlark Mall and I cracked a can of diet chocolate flavoured soda. 20 years later and fucked up pop flavours are still the first thing I reach for in the convenience store. I can't help myself. It's like Thrills or soap candy - gross and yet COMPELLING. I nearly lost my shit in the States one time when I found Diet Holiday Spice Pepsi. I bought up the 7-11's entire stock of Diet Strawberry Pepsi Jazz last September and my most recent obsession is Diet Dr. Pepper Chocolate Covered Cherry. It tastes like carbonated Tootsie Rolls. Mmmmm - gah.

5.  My first word was "guggen". What does that mean? It means "cookie". Because as an infant, I was German.

6. I am famous for this party trick. Once, at a birthday party when I was a child, I laughed so hard a whole maraschino cherry came out my nose.

7. I am a hick and like the milk. I know dark chocolate is sexy these days and has actual health benefits like anti-oxidants and shit but most of the time I'd rather hit myself in the face with a board than eat dark chocolate. There, I said it! And I feel free!

Tag complete! Now I'm hungry. I'm supposed to tag other people, but you know how that always turns out. Tears - recriminations - flaming bags of dog shit. So instead, I tag the first seven people who leave me a comment telling me they want to do it! HA ha! Hic ha! Hic ha! Fucking carrots...

Comments

[Kristen]

Not her first word, but little princess' first multisylable word, was 'chocolate', and she now tells people she is a chocoholic. Somedays I think you are psychicly influencing my children.

[red mojo]

Interesting foody observations! I may take your tag, but I'll have to mullet over, HA! I said mullet!

[red mojo]

Oh, I forgot, there's a little something something for you over at Halfabubbleoff.

[The Viscount]

You need to see this, like, immediately:

http://www.jonessoda.com/files/holiday_2007.php

The mind reels.

[syd]

I am appalled at your hating on dark chocolate. That is the *only* chocolate!

i feel faint...

[seizuresalad]

Meeeee!

I never bin tagged before!!! I tag myself!

[SassyFemme]

I love milk chocolate but try to eat more dark chocolate since its supposedly better for me.

I like rice, but despise rice pudding.

[Maggie]

LMAO at the Bad News Bears kid. It's been years since I thought of that kid, chocolate smeared all over his face. Butterfingers? :)

[greymatters]

Well, if flaming bags of dog shit get tossed around, at least you'll lob the fragrant EL's in return. I bet that dog's shit don't stink ;-). She seems to project that 'tude.

If I have time later today, I'll do it -- the meme, not lobbing dog dropping.

[roro]

Kristen - hahahaaaa! You know that's been my goal all along - psychic communication with your adorable offspring. And it's WORKING. Bwahahahaa!

red mojo - Noooooooo! Not "mullet!" Hilarious. And thank you for the sweetness from your other blog! I'm so behind on my commenting. You are lovely.

Viscount - OH MY GOD. Thank you for informing me about this! I am faint with lust. Although, the Ham soda - not so much.

Syd - I knew you'd be upset. I should have emailed you privately first, to let you know. Are we okay?

Seizuresalad - Do it! Do it! Well done. You're such a go-getter.

SassyFemme - You are a braver woman than I. And I already know our food tastes don't match after your cruel rejection of my beloved eggnog over the holidays.

Maggie - I'm glad I'm not alone in my fond recollection of that kid.

greymatters - You're right about Emmy - she's such a princess. And thanks for not sending any other dog shit my way. You're so good to me. I'll be looking for your post...

[Heather]

I've been really good while pregnant - no coffee that isn't decaf, no coke zero, no caffeine at all really EXCEPT for your tootsie roll in a glass. I'm 100% with you on that one. I can't have your back on the milk chocolate thing though. The darker the better.

[roro]

Heather - That Dr. Pepper is like crack, isn't it? I've had nothing else to drink the whole time I've been in the States. My tongue is permanently red. HOT.