Creampuff Detritus
It occurred to me as I reached for my coffee this morning and nearly sent the phone, my glasses, an open bottle of Advil and a CD on the loose from its protective case skittering across the floor that I am in dire need of some office organization.
My "office" is the dining room table. While I love its proximity to the goodies in the kitchen and excellent view of the front door (like Katr, I am on constant ninja-alert), I do not love its lack of drawers or other office-type amenities. I don't need much to make it more functional. Perhaps some kind of caddy, with a place for pens and USB keys and slots for a "to-do" pile and a "filing pile" and an "Old Fashioned Black Licorice Cigars with Authentic Look Red Glow Tip in Genuine Wood Look Cigar Case from Costco" pile (licorice cigars make me more productive. Also, butch. Are my black teeth turning you on?)
Right now, my "important papers management" system is best described as "Oh my fucking god, I TOTALLY just saw it yesterday, where is it?? Where is it?? Where the fuck is -- oh, here it is." No WONDER I never get anything done.
This morning, I finally snapped and went through it all. I found (mostly) paid bills, countless USB keys, pens I thought were lost forever, our marriage certificate and a teeny tiny string of plastic pearls. What the . . .
"What are these?" I asked, waving them at Katr.
"Hammy the Hamster's anal beads?"
"Yeah," she replied over the sound of me DYING over my own joke, "aren't those the beads you found before Christmas? The ones you thought looked like hamster anal beads and you saved them for the sole purpose of blogging about them?"
Oh. Yeah, that's right. I've had some hamster's anal beads on my desk for over a month because I wanted to take a picture of them. For you guys. Never say I don't love you.
Speaking of love, I'm back on the knitting. I'm still labouring through a tiny mystery project (so laborious! so tiny! so mysterious!) but I've also been knitting a lot of baby hats. I sent two off without documenting them (I'm hoping to get pictures back with actual babies in the hats) but since I was taking photos of Hammy's sex toys anyway, I thought I'd take a picture of this one before it wings its way east.
I hope the kid's head is at the upper limit of size.
I am proud of you for coming up with such a delectably dirty pun yet also disappointed that you were able to keep it from us for so very long. For shaaaaaaaaame. Now that the desk is clean I expect nasty rodent humour daily.
Posted by: Ben Boudreau | January 28, 2008 at 01:22 PM
That conversation sounds like so many in our house (complete with the sound of my laughing at my own jokes). Only, I would have to stop laughing long enough to explain anal beads to Karlene and then listen to the same God damned "How/Why do you know this stuff?" speech.
Posted by: syd | January 28, 2008 at 01:59 PM
Your office sounds exactly like mine. It looks like the hall of records threw up in there! No anal beads that I know of, but if I ever uncover the the desktop again, who knows what I'll find!
Posted by: red mojo | January 28, 2008 at 02:30 PM
Thank heavens for desk cleaning. Now every time I go to a redneck wedding and they have those sprays of pearls I will remember that they are sexual toys for rodents. I love it! That hat is gorgeous! I really wish long-distance knitting lessons were an option!
Posted by: Serendpity, Baby! | January 28, 2008 at 03:02 PM
My prudish wanna be self can't stop laughing. Haven't been over in a while, but you always manage to make me giggle. Thanks for that.
Posted by: Cynical Knitting Gal | January 28, 2008 at 08:55 PM
I understand...I have been organizing the craft closet. With children watching and waiting to pounce on all the treasures I uncover. All the while, Hubby is trying to remember all our adresses for the past ten years to once again prove to the government that he is not a terrorist. AND I am knitting tiny baby hats. For the sake of the mother, please wish for smallish baby heads.
Posted by: Kristen | January 29, 2008 at 08:15 AM
Ben - I know! I promise never to sit on hamster anal beads for that long again.
syd - Hahaaaa! Yeah, half the time I start killing myself laughing before I even make the joke and have to explain myself through tears of mirth. It's somehow never as funny to her as it is to me.
red mojo - I have to tell you, it was a real treat to find some of that stuff (especially, you know, important legal documents). I wish you the same joy in your excavations.
Serendipity - Glad I could provide a little extra fun for future redneck weddings. As for the hat, you know I'm going to need your address soon, missy!
Cynical Knitting Gal - Ha ha - excellent! A little rodent lovin' goes a long way . . .
Kristen - Ah, the craft closet - such a magical place. Fingers crossed for the hubby - and for small heads! Small heads!
Posted by: roro | January 29, 2008 at 10:56 AM
Hamster anal beads... I just can't stop giggling.
Posted by: SassyFemme | January 29, 2008 at 03:57 PM
Oh lordy. I just lost it laughing. Too damned funny, Roro. Are you going to knit an anal bead cozy for them?
Posted by: greymatters | January 29, 2008 at 04:49 PM
A joke-recipient that needs Cliff Notes requires some sort of therapy.
Love the hat!
Posted by: Maggie | January 29, 2008 at 08:55 PM
I love the hat...and the pun, too, but especially the hat. It does put me in mind of Thor's mom though. Not because of the hat...not directly, I don't think it would fit her, but because every time I see her, she shows me new baby things that she has knit.
Posted by: kimananda | January 30, 2008 at 09:00 AM
oh my god... I can't stop laughing.
Posted by: alicia | January 30, 2008 at 05:56 PM
Very glad you did save them.
Posted by: Winter | January 31, 2008 at 01:28 PM