Things Creampuff Will Tell You She Did On Her Vacation . . .

but which actually happened only in my mind.

My beaverancée works very hard. When she is not working, she is often thinking about working. She thinks about it at night when I'm trying to get laid when we're trying to go to sleep. She thinks about it early in the morning. Real early. I've been coaxed gently and lovingly awake more times than I care to recall, only to hear her croon the following sweet nothings:

"I've got a client calling at six this morning. Want me to close the door?"

I sometimes joke to Katr that she lured me into this relationship by appearing to enjoy taking time off. She then replies that I lured HER in by appearing to enjoy being gainfully employed. Touché.

In between kinzin launching and my new contract beginning in May, we had a little window of possible holiday time and I decided Katr was ripe for her first non-family/non-work-related vacation in 3 years. So I called my parents and asked if we could stay at their empty place in Victoria for a few days.

Katr and I both had big plans for the 3 days we were going to be "unplugged". These plans included taking photos of all the adventures we'd be having about town. Here are some of things we had in mind.

Visiting the Free Range Bunnies at UVic

My brother told us that the grounds of the University of Victoria are overrun with cute, cute bunnies. All the time. In fact, when you're down and out and feeling just too existential to go to another class, these cute bunnies have been known to warm your heart while they chew on your socks.

We hoped to feed carrots to these bunnies. Large, cartoonish carrots, like you'd draw in Microsoft Paint, because you don't have Photoshop. Shut up.

I was also hoping to shoot a bunny video for my ongoing nature series, partly for artistic reasons, but mainly to answer the seal video showboating my cousin and his girlfriend posted on THEIR blog.

Hold Hands in the Beautiful Butchart Gardens

I first went to the Butchart Gardens on a band trip in March of 1989. It was beautiful then and spring hadn't really hit. "Just wait!" the locals said, "in the spring, it's amazing!" Coming from Edmonton, where a classmate of ours had lost a small part of her ear in the freezing fuckin' cold the week before, the fact that ANYTHING was green seemed like a miracle to us.

I was eager to see the gardens in full bloom this time and so was Katr. This is the scene I imagined:

"Oh my god. Isn't that fountain gorgeous? No one's looking - quick, take off your shirt!"

We love to be natural in Nature. Katr's the redhead.

Take a Horse-Drawn Carriage Ride

When you're at my parents condo, every now and then a horse goes by and it's like you're back in the early 20th century, but with better plumbing. Katr and I thought it might be fun to be part of the action - feel the clip-clop of hooves, listen to the sonsy driver, watch the horses crap into a bag. Romantic!

 

What We Actually Did

• Stayed inside (it was raining, shut up)
• Slept
• Read books
• Slept
• Ate
• Slept
• Made some of these:

• Listened to Bob Marley

Also - and this may be the brownies talking - but I think we spent a morning at the Willowstream Spa at the Empress Hotel being rubbed for money. All I know is that there's nail polish on my toes where there was none before and we suddenly have a bag of new, expensive-looking grooming products. The kind you buy when you're blissed out and defenseless and your hands are too moisturized to grip your credit card properly. And you're humming Bob Marley. 

Sadly, our short respite is over and we're getting on a plane at the crack of dawn's ass tomorrow morning for a business trip. Not only will there be no brownies, but we will also be wearing dress pants for three days straight!! I don't want to alarm you all . . . but I may have to shoot the sheriff.

Comments

[Kristen]

You have completed a BC tradition, the 3 day vacation in Victoria. When you leave you are always saying, "next time we will..."

[Syd]

Shoot a bunny? Mmmmm vittles.

Your pics are awesome! Love your hair like that.

[Sparkles]

Mmmmm...brownies!!! Did you know they make a microwave version of the same for the truly lazy...er blissed out??? With a packet of chocolate syrup to pour over the top...yummmmmmmmm

[zoe]

Were those plain old brownies, or were those, you know, "browies". My friends and I recently had a discussion about makiing "brownies" in an Easy Bake Oven, now dubbed "Easy Baked Oven".

Also, I noticed getting laid did not make the list of things you did on vacation. What kind of vacation is that.

[wenders]

Ah, vacation. Sparky and my recent weekend away at MY parents' home in Maine involved being stranded behind downed powerlines and me yelling at her for turning the gas generator back on because it made the sump pump alarm go off. So relaxing. . .

As for those sweet nothings, I told Sparky once (when I was half asleep, mind you) that I was glad we were becoming a team since part of my work is coaching teams and I could really tell that in the cycle of team development that we were doing well. Sigh. That's so... hot. Right? :P

[cam]

The bunnies are fun, and I have seen people feeding them. The horse ride however - I think you were wise to skip. That bag behind the horses works, so instead of the horse dropping its leavings on the street where we all could enjoy it, you get to smell it for the entire length of the ride. btw - new videos up, Bren and I play the role of the docile sea creature.

[zuhn]

Seriously, what zoe said. I hope by "slept" you meant "get laid", "read books" as in "porn" and "ate" as in...oh, ok. There it is.

[roro]

kristen - It certainly felt like a rite of passage. Good to know we're not the only ones who didn't fit it all in!

Syd - if only they'd been squirrels! And thanks - I wasn't sure about the colour, but my hairdresser said "go for it" and I'm SO glad I did.

Sparkles - ooo, microwave brownies! The perfect solution to the "second pan" dilemma. Thanks for the tip!

zoe - it was the Easy Baked Oven kind of brownies, since you ask. And as for the other part of your comment, it was kind of vacation you take at your parents' condo. The same parents who read your blog. By the way, Mom and Dad - that riding crop we may have left behind? Was, um, for the horse and carriage thing.

wenders - HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! Totally relaxing. As for the team development thing . . . it WAS hot and you're totally turning me on. I'm gonna try that on Katr for SURE.

cam - thanks for confirming my horse shit bag suspicions. Looking forward to your next video! I see a cousin video rivalry in our future, young man . . .

zuhn - I . . . don't know what you mean. Also, Mom and Dad, those clothespins were for . . . things that don't go in the dryer.

[the Viscount of Double-Entendres]

"Shoot the sheriff." Heh. Dirtay!

[PainterWoman]

Oft times the expectations are way better than the reality. Which is why it is so important to live in the moment. Enjoy the anticipation. Be real when it rains, or the horses poop, or the motel is crummy. (Can't really write too much about that on my blog because the bride's family was so pleased...) We have tornadoes and storms in Texas, but rarely is it "just cloudy." When are you coming to visit?