Creampuff Hooks a Gal Up

No one sniffs out juvenile online paraphernalia like my pal Syd. Between the Cooter's Mullet Salon t-shirts and the product known as "Liquid Ass", she gives us all such a wealth of ridiculousness and crassness that I started to wonder how I would ever give back. So when I saw this photo on her blog a couple of months ago, I knew it was time, as my mother used to say, to "roll into action".

It's, you know, a dildo cozie. Reclining seductively on a purple velvet chaise. They're a Sister Clementine creation and while I knew my meagre knitting skills would not allow me to produce a creature quite as charming and strangely imperious as this pink deal above, I was up for a challenge and, more importantly, had nearly a whole ball of shiny Whorehouse Red just hanging out in the my stash. And so, with Syd in mind, I created Dildy.

 

Yeah, I know. She kinda looks like a voodoo Dildy and the red beads that make up her mouth are kinda hard to see in the pictures and she kinda looks like blind children from Ecuador knit her with their feet. Also, instead of tentacles, she is wearing a demure little skirt. But for my first attempt I feel she's not too shabby. Also, she is very silky and has a lovely sheen. Here she is with TED Dog. Their relationship? Entirely platonic. Yet they are wearing matching outfits . . .

Poor Syd is horribly, horribly sick at the moment, but when Dildy arrived, she managed to send an ecstatic message of thanks via e-mail. When I saw that the e-mail's subject line was "OMFG", my knitterly heart filled to bursting.  It's these moments that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and being able to say to my mom "Well, Mom, I gotta go! The dildo cozie I'm making for my interweb friend in Mississippi ain't gonna knit itself! Happy Birthday!"

Comments

[The Feminist Mafia]

Good lord, you're brilliant. I'm feeling a serious bout of copy-cat-itis coming on. I envision dildo cozies in every shade, wearing all sorts of outfits, etc. It'll be the lesbian equivalent of Wee Wonderful's stuffed creations. Seriously ... I'm dying here. Why, oh why do I have to work full-time?

[Drew]

I continued to be amazed by your knitting skills and speed. I guess I know what you did after the show yesterday. And even though its roughly the same shape and size of something else I'd like to have a cozy for, don't make me one for Christmas.

[Andygrrl]

that pink tentacled thing is a dildo-cozy??

It looks like those yammering muppet aliens on Sesame Street. Which, in addition to being traumatizing, would kill your libido dead right quick.

I am, however, in awe of your mad knitting skillz. I'm trying to work up the courage to pick up my needles again and take another stab at it.

[zoe]

I think you you've got the start of a business here.

I hope you lined it with something that won't shed.

[roro]

FM - Working full time is for the birds! I think you and your crafting gifts could turn this into a very lucrative business. No, no, don't thank me - just pay it forward.

Drew - ha ha. That was Dildy II you saw this weekend. I'm not THAT fast. I was too busy scarfing down the rest of your delicious zucchini cake. That sounded dirtier than I meant it.

Andygrrl - That's TOTALLY what the pink cozy looks like! I couldn't remember if it was the Muppets or Sesame Street. As for picking up the needles again, DO IT! It's therapeutic and also, nothing keeps "the swat team of the patriarchy" at bay like pointy sticks.

Zoe - well, indeed. Nothing bums a gal out like lint on the dildo.

[kristen]

I love it! I need one or 2 or 3, remember that my husband is military. He hates to see my toys in the cupboard and hides them in my underwear drawer where the kids find them!

[Syd]

If Blogger could make its sorry ass available during the time that I'm able to sit up, I plan to honor my gift with a post.

It's so fucking awesome, roro! The little skirt takes the cake. It rocks. Thanks again my dear. I'll have something up soon, I hope.

[Heather]

hah hilarious! yip yip yip, uh huh, uh huh, totally the dudes from sesame street. Oh man those are funny! Again my knitting skills are such that I could knit a scarf for your cover, that's about it. Maybe the scarf could be an aviator theme and you could get little aviator goggles? It could be the Amelia Earhart model? Too funny.

[NursePam]

You are one talented woman. Your handiwork may just be the thing that saves our Syd. Kudos to you for being such a sweet and wonderful friend :o)

[Knitting Painter Woman]

OMFG, indeed.
My mother would never have admitted it in her lifetime, but I hope somewhere she's finally free enough to enjoy this.
The first doll she made for me, she named "Floozy."
It explains a lot, don't you think.

[Ron Hudson]

Aren't you handy?!! I would try to crochet myself one of these, but I would likely end up needing more than 2 balls to wear the skirt.

[belledame222]

YES!! ha!

[roro]

Kristen - That's hilarious. Clearly I'll have to bring some cross-country Dildy knitting with me. I bet I can have at least one done by the time we hit Edmonton . . .

Syd - your photo essay of Dildy made my effing day. SO awesome.

Heather - you are BRILLIANT! I'm sure Amelia Earhart would be honoured.

NursePam - you are too kind. And I think you're right - antibiotics can only do so much, but Dildy's recuperative powers are infinite.

PainterWoman - that DOES explain alot! Fantastic. Perhaps I'll name my next Dildy "Floozy", after your first doll.

Ron - Oh my god. It took me a second - and then I spit coffee on my keyboard. AWESOME

belledame22 - HA ha!! Exuberant approval always welcome.

[Ron Hudson]

I saw this link and thought of you immediately. Please share with your knitting friends!

http://www.motherbearproject.org/index.html

[Ryan]

WOW! i didnt imagne that dildoes got an accesories. hehehe.. Example of theis dildo are in here xandria sex toy.