Creampuff Wonders WHO THE HELL LOUISE IS

On the way back from a Slurpee run yesterday afternoon, I stopped to get the mail. There was a pretty postcard from Peggy's Cove in Nova Scotia addressed to Katr. Because I am a nosy so-and-so, I fully turned it over and read it. Here is what it said:

Hey, Kate!
Last postcard I'll be sending before I get back to the T-dot. Hope the weather is nice there, as it's been raining here all week. Excited to practice french with you b/c god knows I need the practice to retain any of the stuff I learned. Been trying to practice breaking on my spare time (which is very little!) My journal is now half-filled with my daily blabberings of the day's events. Hope to see you soon when I get back in town! w/[heart] Louise

What the . . .WHO THE HELL IS LOUISE?

Firstly, I love the name "Louise", but feel that it is a fictional name, like "Fandango" or "Phyllis". The only Louise's I have known were in books or movies or my fishtank. As far as I know, Katr does not know any Louises either.

Secondly, for someone who took high school French in TEXAS, Katr's French is quite good and she uses it charmingly. But she is the first to admit that she is no more a French expert than I am a paleo-botanist. Therefore, Louise's excited wish to "pratice french" with Katr can only be construed as a euphemism. For ANOTHER KIND OF FRENCHING. You know what I mean.

Thirdly, no offense Louise, but "my journal is half-filled with my daily blabberings of the day's events"? If my girlfriend ever had an affair with someone who wrote a sentence that boring, I'd shit twice and die.

Fourthly, what "breaking" are you practising in your spare time? HEART-breaking? Is it HEART-BREAKING, Louise? GOD, your name cuts me like a KNIFE.

In my agitated state, my Slurpee acted as a balm, much in the way that Ron's lovely, moving post removed the sting of the Oiler's tragic loss of the Stanley Cup. But still, this Louise business rankled and when Katr got home, I pounced.

"You have a postcard," I said, "from a certain LOUISE."

"Oh?" She sounded so innocent.

"It's on the front hall table," I spat, "it's from Peggy's Cove."

Sounds of Katr wandering over and picking up the postcard. I could stand it no longer.

"WHO IS THIS LOUISE?" I said, my eyes flashing crazily, my tongue tinged green with Slurpee, "Why is she sending you postcards?"

"It's not FOR me," said Katr, calmly. "It's addressed to a DIFFERENT Kate. Kate [not Katr's last name]."

"But -" I sputtered, "it's addressed to our apartment!"

"Nooo," said Katr, pointing to the address, "It's addressed to our BUILDING. Someone's written the apartment number in after - probably Dave, downstairs."

Sure enough, our apartment number was in a different colour ink. I felt sheepish. And still a little crazy.

"I was just testing you," I said.

"Sure you were, Sherlock," she said, "sure you were. 'Cause your mind - it's like a steel trap."

So, hey - if any of you are named Kate? And you have a friend named Louise? And your friend Louise was just in the Maritimes? And you speak French and enjoy "breaking"? Yeah, I have your postcard.

Comments

[HB]

Misplaced, needless jealousy - always so embarr.. entertaining!;-)

[DanaU]

Ow, ow, it hurts to laugh that hard first thing in the morning. Heeeeeee! I'm so glad there are other crazy, erm, "testing" people out there.. :)

[wenders]

Fandango, indeed. Lovely.

AND, more importantly, WHERE in Texas??! I'm from Texas...what if...we KNOW each other...

Yes, I am aware that Texas is a big state. Weirder things have happened.

[Kate]

Wenders .. I grew up in the Panhandle (home of the 6 hour bus trip to find another high school football team to play) and then went to university in San Antonio.

[greymatters]

OMG, I am laughing so hard. You have singularly wonderful meta-interpretive powers and shit ;-).

All of which you can blame on the Slurpee.

[dawn]

fucking hilarious, as usual. are you a scorpio?

[roro]

HB - ha ha! It would probably be more entertaining to Katr if it happened less often . . .

DanaU - my friend, indeed you are not alone in your "testing". Testers unite!

Wenders - where are YOU from in Texas?

Katr - I was TESTING you.

GM - You're so right. It's ALL about the Slurpee.

Dawn - thanks! And I am, in fact, a Pisces. You?

[Heather]

Hah I love it. You are fucking hilarious!

I would have done EXACTLY the same thing if Dave got a postcard like that, except my slurpee would have lotsa booze in it.

[kristen]

Love it! I have had those feelings, I seldom bring it up as I know I am being silly :) You would never survive as a military spouse.

[Syd]

As much as I adore roro and regardless of how funny this was (very, btw), I gotta sympathize with Kate. This kind of stuff happens frequently at my house, only I am not the Tester, but the Testee. (ok, that's a little too close to testes for my comfort)

BTW, roro, it is a little flattering when you girls get all worked up with jealousy. But kate prolly won't tell you that. :)

[PainterWoman]

Jealousy serves some sort of useful purpose. I don't know what, because I only read the headline in the new Psychology Today.
When one of my boobs went rogue and developed just a little lump, I named that one Thelma and the other Louise... so you are absolutely on target about Louise not being a really REAL name. Off to read the tribute to Edmonton. Sniff Sniff. AND the local team blew the NBA finals, too.

[Melissa]

My middle name is Louise. And now I feel like I have a responsibility to send Kate random suspicious postcards.

PS: You must listen to the Chixdiggit song "Melissa Louise". Because I am firmly convinced that it was written after KJ and I had a discussion about how if he had been born a girl, his parents would've named him Melissa Louise, resulting in a screech from me and a flinging of a birth certificate across the table at him.

[Ron Hudson]

This just cracked me up!!! I have been known to leap into the void of false conclusion myself from time to time, so I really do feel for you.

[shbu]

So fitting that the slurpee was green. You master story teller you! Not a detail overlooked.
My most recent similar experience involved finding kym_is_beauty@hotmail.com on a random scrap of lined paper on the floor of our home office. My boy insists it's the email address of the captain of his mixed league baseball team. Yeah, right. Girls play baseball. Nice try.

[Winter]

Master storyteller indeed.

[Winter]

Oh dear. That came out totally wrong. I meant to say "indeed, you are a master story teller."

[roro]

Heather - booze in the Slurpee is a nice touch! Unfortunately, if I had tried that, I would have been asleep by the time Katr got home.

Kristen - you are a brave woman. Also, you are SO right. I would have a very hard time if Katr was in the military. Although she would look pretty cute in a brush cut and army boots . . .

Syd - that IS a little close to "testes". GAH. I actually remembered, while this was happening, that you are often on the receiving end of these kinds of dramas, but I decided that trying to calm down and see it from another perspective would mean more thinking. NEVER!!

PainterWoman - Good tip! And I love the boob-naming. Hope the rogue boob was tamed. And I'm sorry about your local basketball team. Clearly it isn't our year!

Melissa - you BLOWING MY FREAKIN' MIND continues.

Ron - it WAS just like a leap into the void! And I landed on my ass.

Shbu - HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Oh, Mr. Shannon - don't try and be pulling one over on Mrs. Shannon. She has got your number. AND your e-mail address.

Winter - you're awesome. I think they BOTH came out right. And I am very flattered.

[Melissa]

Haha, my name is Melissa Louise. Now I have to go find that song. :)